Monday, February 28, 2011

Group poem 19 (Love Poems): Don’t use love to defeat me

Before I let go before I lose myself within you,
I must tell you,I wonder if love is a curse
Takes over our hearts and love makes decisions for our minds, our life.
It controls us emotionally and somehow brings out bravery  
I hate love because I adore the idea of love
The touch and the way someone can go through sentiment of our souls
Out of the world’s spiteful ways I hate and keep on hating love because truly I will never understand it, 
see there isn’t an idea of it or a way of explaining.
It’s said that love is pain, when love should be beautiful; 
love is used in the most inconvenient way, 
to trick a person for their selfish needs for their own entertainment their sexual treatment.
It’s addictive, time stops when you’re in it, 
then it starts to become more like a dream, brings out paranoia because it’s too hard to believe.
Love recreates our imagination I love the feeling on fantasying
Its better then knowing the reality its lovely being so naive just for that moment

You pretending you even like me, giving me the slightest bit of attention, that tenderness.
How about if I told you I knew you was lying and even though I could fall in love with you I wouldn't,
 because you aren’t being real, hopefully you’ll understand now how this conversation it’s getting to deep, 
because I know your here to take the piss out of me.
Or is it me I’m I being to paranoid, but then again if I’m thinking about it, then it could be true, 
so I could just say “fuck you”, but I can’t, I really do want you.
You know maybe I’m not ready for it, 
I think now its best I don’t understand the meaning of its desires and promises,
don’t know nothing about the curiosity instinct, I can’t go through,
let’s not continue teaching me the wonders of the word knowing it will eventually lead to hurting me.  
Because the way I imagine it, isn’t the idea I had to begin with, 
never knew time of values of love changed,

I’m I honestly wasting my time here waiting for something real.
I just want the love Prophet Muhammad s.w.s had for Aisha s.w
The way love and the beauty of marriage was back then its different now, 
makes me drift off thinking, should I settle for whatever is given to me or should I fall in love solitary
I’m sick and tired of games I just want to go straight to the end of the finishing race; 
I’m not here for play not here to be played with.
Is your kindness your way of getting at me with revenge?

Just please don’t use love against me don’t use love to defeat me.
I know nothing of it, never been loved by anyone, 
so if you’re being honest you’ll hold me, 
make me better for the sake of saving me from my tears from my dishonest thoughts of the shadan, 
help me perfect me with you I want to take our journey in the hereafter with you.
And before I let go before I lose myself within you, I must tell you.
I wonder if your love is a curse, because I’ve never loved anyone but you.

Idil Mahamed
Copyright © 2011

1 comment:

  1. This was nice, it made me understand lover a little more, and inshAllah hope you find what we are all looking for.