A letter to my old lover

Dear old lover,

Before I write anything I just want to let you know, I’m surrendering

I’ve put down my arms and shield and took of my mask

This is the real me

As I write you this letter, my heart is pacing and my eyes are watering up

 I just hope it does me justice

If you allow me, I have a couple questions to ask you

Bear with me and please don’t get angry

First and foremost, do you still love me?

Or did the wells of your love dry up after our atrocious war?

Do you ever miss me? Do you ever think about me?

Better yet, do you whisper my name in the darkness of the night in hopes in echoes back yours?

Because I swear I do.

Do you ever dial my number in hopes I pick up or it goes straight to voicemail?

Just to hear my voice?

Because I’m guilty of doing so

Did you ever wonder why we fought and argued so much?

Did it ever hurt when I use to say I hate you and I could do better?

Did you ever forgive me for leaving you without a proper goodbye?

Or does rage blind you whenever you hear my name and bring forth the monster in you that I helped paint?

Do you still think about our future together?

Or am I just a figment of your sinister past?

Tuck deep in between your, I don’t give a fuck and I will never speak to piles?

You might be thinking, how dare she ask me questions if she’s the one who left me

And I’m sorry!

I know I’m audacious but please, I need to set my soul and heart at ease

How selfish and self-centered she is you might be saying

And I have no defense to that. I’m that and ten times worse

And I’m sorry!

I’m not asking for a second chance or pity from you

Nor am I trying to play the victim card or get back with you

If anything I’m asking for forgiveness

Think of this as my formal apology for my childish ways

And a thank you letter

For putting up with my bullshit and selfish ways

My rudeness, impoliteness and bitterness.

I just hope you don’t resent me, regret me or hate me

For you were my first love and maybe my last

But by the will of God we didn’t last

And only He knows if our paths will ever cross again

With that said,

I’m sorry

And I still love you

But please don’t say I love you too

Because I don’t deserve it

I just want you to forgive me

And burn this letter

So we can both set our hearts free

Goodbye old lover.

Anonymous 93

Copyright © 2012