Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A letter to my old lover

Dear old lover,
Before I write anything I just want to let you know, I’m surrendering
I’ve put down my arms and shield and took of my mask
This is the real me
As I write you this letter, my heart is pacing and my eyes are watering up
 I just hope it does me justice
If you allow me, I have a couple questions to ask you
Bear with me and please don’t get angry
First and foremost, do you still love me?
Or did the wells of your love dry up after our atrocious war?
Do you ever miss me? Do you ever think about me?
Better yet, do you whisper my name in the darkness of the night in hopes in echoes back yours?
Because I swear I do.
Do you ever dial my number in hopes I pick up or it goes straight to voicemail?
Just to hear my voice?
Because I’m guilty of doing so
Did you ever wonder why we fought and argued so much?
Did it ever hurt when I use to say I hate you and I could do better?
Did you ever forgive me for leaving you without a proper goodbye?
Or does rage blind you whenever you hear my name and bring forth the monster in you that I helped paint?
Do you still think about our future together?
Or am I just a figment of your sinister past?
Tuck deep in between your, I don’t give a fuck and I will never speak to piles?
You might be thinking, how dare she ask me questions if she’s the one who left me
And I’m sorry!
I know I’m audacious but please, I need to set my soul and heart at ease
How selfish and self-centered she is you might be saying
And I have no defense to that. I’m that and ten times worse
And I’m sorry!
I’m not asking for a second chance or pity from you
Nor am I trying to play the victim card or get back with you
If anything I’m asking for forgiveness
Think of this as my formal apology for my childish ways
And a thank you letter
For putting up with my bullshit and selfish ways
My rudeness, impoliteness and bitterness.
I just hope you don’t resent me, regret me or hate me
For you were my first love and maybe my last
But by the will of God we didn’t last
And only He knows if our paths will ever cross again
With that said,
I’m sorry
And I still love you
But please don’t say I love you too
Because I don’t deserve it
I just want you to forgive me
And burn this letter
So we can both set our hearts free

Goodbye old lover.

Anonymous 93
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