You said you loved me

You said you loved me,
You lied,
All that time I invested
You drove me insane
But I accepted all the pain
You inflicted
Because I thought you were worth it.
But you weren't
You broke my heart
No broken is an understament
You played with, took it where you wished
Tore it apart
You burned it,
You scorched it,
I still have the scars!
Why?
I only offered you love,
Forget the world on a platter
I would give you the shirt on my back,
If you needed it.

I loved you,
With every second that passed
With every breath I took,
I thought of you,
Of our future together.
I didn't realize you were just playing games,
Using me,
abusing me,
Returning when you missed me,
Leaving when you wished,
We,
Could have been a great team,
We would have changed the world together,
Set it ablaze, remember?

I would sacrifice all of my time,
Gladly be your best friend
Your teacher,
Advisor,
Numer one confidant,
But what you said so confidantly,
You took back,
So quickly!

Do you know how much that hurts?
Maybe it was nothing to you,
But everytime you said those words:
Sorry,
Goodbye,
It's not you, it's me,
My heart would become crushed
Tears would fill my eyes,
I wouldn't eat properly for days
How can I eat when the most precious person to me,
Is once again out of my life?
I would lie awake for hours,
Trying to find what I did wrong,
What mistake I committed
Wondering if you'd ever forgive me,
Wishing and dreaming,
Yearning and longing,
For you,
For your company.
Your simple hello,
Salaam,
Your smile.

The way you listened to me,
Let me talk for hours,
Of whats troubling me,
Only interrupting to voice your agreement,
My shrink,
I nicknamed you,
It's amazing how you lifted years of pain,
From my chest,
So simply,
Don't worry you would comfort me,
You'll see a brighter day!

Your poems,
I loved them,
Every letter
Every word
Every line;
Because I knew it came from you,
From deep within,
Even though you faced problems
You'd brush them aside
Hiding them behind metaphors
Poems and fancy language
I'd try to play decoder
But it's not something you liked
So I let you stay hidden
Mysterious,
Even to me,
Because I never wanted to cause you even the slighest discomfort.
Now I ask why?
Why?
Why?
Why'd you leave me?
We were so good for each other
Even though I can't get through all the excuses you made,
I can only point the finger of blame
To myself,
Maybe I was deficient?
Maybe I was wrong?
If thats the case then tell me,
How can I correct my wrongs?
It's impssoble to turn back time,
So forgive me,
Like I forgave you on countless occaisons
But you won't,
Your love for me is on terms
Conditions,
Unknown to me
And no matter how much I still love you
I must confess
I'm tired
I'm tired of the games
Of the excuses,
I'm reaching a conclusion
Facing reality,
Accepting the fact that you said you loved me,
But you lied.
And no matter how much I love you,
No matter how much I want, yearn, wish
I know you'll never be mine.


Bint Qalin
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