Some days when the horror of childhood memories revisits
Demanding that I remember...
Sadness cripples my feet and I am unable to move
It is on these days that I fear
My tongue will rebel against me
Revealing years of silence
The pain, shame and agony has always been there
So it is not like I have ever forgotten
Or even forgiven
But its just that most days its easier
To smile under the veil of pretense
It is easier to erase the lines of pain
Imprinted on my heart and mind
It is easier to forget the ugly memory of childhood
Than remember a wound that refuses
To heal even after 14 years
Asking how can forgiveness ever take place
Without ever been told "I'm sorry what I did was wrong?"
Nah, most days its easier to strangle my memories
But some days when that memory is triggered
It hovers my life as a cloudy shadow
That is too stubborn to rain
And let go
It is on these days
I succumb to tears
And seek comfort
In the remembrace of my Lord
Hoping when I do open my eyes
The pain will vanish...
And my tongue
Won't utter a word...
Not a single word...
Not to a soul...
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