Tuesday, November 23, 2010

untitled by Laila

I told myself I would forget you; forget all the painful memories that used to stick in my head. All the tears I cried, because of you. The tears of sadness and loneliness. I tried everyday, but I got distracted. I tried to found ways, tried to explain it to myself. The why’s. But I knew deep inside, it was nothing wrong with me, it was you this time. Not me. Now I praise God for giving me the most difficult hardships I ever faced in my entire life. There was no days in the cold winters, who kept me warm, expect Allah. He certainly not leaved me, like the way you left. He trusted me, he told me to be remain tough. So, I did what I was told. I prayed, and I found my contentment. I realized that I thought you could give me the happiness I wanted, but how wrong I was! 

Now you’re a zero to me, you didn’t deserve any tears I cried. I wouldn’t even rate you one, out of 1 to 10.My kindness for you, was definitely too good to be exact! You might be worthy of some ones elses deceived heart. But not mine anymore. So do me a favour, walk off.

I don’t hate you; you still do what you are supposed to do. But that’s only because my mom raised me with manners. I wish one day, that you would find somebody who deserves your love, the one you cant live without. I only wished you the best in the past, even though you broke me like chalk and cheese. 

But, if it’s wasn’t for you, I would never found my love. If it wasn’t for you, I would have never been me. I would still think that you do what you do and you live with it. But my beloved, my dearest, told me nothing more than to be grateful and have hope for the upcoming days. You never told me that. I now wish you the same, that you never should be left alone in the dark. Then one day you might realize the truth. The real one.

In fact, you were my brother in my deen. You used to be, then you said no the Mighty One. Thanks to you, every once in a while, when I look at myself I see the person I want too be. A person who no longer looks at this world with nothing else as just a world. A person who strives more and more for the right pace. 

I finally do what I always wanted to do. Wordship the True and Most Kind. My Only One. So thank you, thank you!

He gives me everything I need! The things you never gave me, the things you can’t buy with your wallet! The one you have, but only with excuses. Because, my not-friend. It isn’t just things; it’s a life with blessings. Letting you go was the one of the best things I have ever done. 

One day this Duniya would perish. It would come a day you can’t save me. It would come a day with consequences, that day I would hopefully walk with pride. I let my desires fall into the flames with you. Not my soul. Sheytan would burn with them. It’s only you I disgust. May Allah put you further than Hell. May Allah put you a place where you truly belongs.

I would not be with him. I stayed with him too long. 
Laila Siad
Copyright 2010

No comments:

Post a Comment