Monday, April 4, 2011

April 4 : Insane, me, I might be.

Having this anxiety got to remember take things lightly.
Went over the extent of the white and green, shit like this makes me wish I could leave. 
Now I’m thinking would bipolar or schzio hit,

because lately I’ve become a loner and now I feel my heart going colder. 
It hits that I might have an infection, affection or just an addiction 
Having problems of thee development, predicament I’m feeling it
Looking it up I’m reading it, knowing it but I keep on denying it.
Can I get diagnosed tell me my dialog, 
tell me what I’m seeing and thinking is so damn wrong. 
My brain is dysfunctional I need no interruptions 
All I was trying to do was have some fun. 
But shit I lost my luck 
Do you hear that knock knock knock 
You don’t, oh man... fuck

Is it obvious there is multiple of me and that my personality keeps on changing does it scare you that I keep on changing,

I’m crying now but I’m laughing at you man. 
It’s like yesterday I was all for suicide but that seem to abiding so I got up and thought I’ll start dancing. 
Antipsychotic, everything I see is all hypnotic 
Haven’t been social for some time I can feel it hurting the emotion 
I wish I could go on the beach and go deep in the ocean discover its notion.

So you trying to get through to me doc?
What medication or what kinda fucked up situation I’m in.
Stop telling me I got to figure things out on my own, 
because to you I know it’s unknown 
But to me I haven’t figure it out on my own, you know I’m my own secret, 
I don’t know me, don’t know if it’s me talking, 

if its real or if I’m being real or if I’m dreaming or if I’m up on the ceiling seeing us talking. 

And there is nothing wrong with me if I tired sewing myself, 

went skin deep you won’t understand I felt I was falling apart.
A vague of understanding if you want to know, 
you have to ask my permission if you want to get through this mission hurry up make up your decision, 

and don’t look at me with all the confusion if anything I’m getting mad worried here with your face expression. 
But I’ll tell you now with this little confession, are you ready give me a little bit more attention. 

Sometimes when I’m on my own I get real paranoid,

 my mum told me to stop researching it was something I should of listen to and avoid it.
But the whole thing that this world is a society makes me scared makes my knees go weak with to much fear. 
Can you hear that? The idea that there is a new world order, so have you discovered my disorder? 

So doc have you figured out my symptoms tell me the negative or the positive 
Do I have much to live?
Did you even understand what I said or was I just speaking gibberish,

was I just skipping a few of the words was I not making any sense of my nonsense. 
Was it how you say it word salad my own language and it’s my own baggage,

tell me doc will one day anybody ever understand me. 
I’m I forever my own friend will I ever find a loved one at the end of this. 

Is there any way you can predict or even fix this? 
And what types of medication you giving, what type of chemical is it, is it going to be memorial? 
Now when I think about it was I even talking to you like yesterday or was it me just talking to me?

Idil Mahamed 
Copyright © 2011

No comments:

Post a Comment