Heart Ache

Tonight

I want to feel my heart ache.

To feel it quake

Then break onto itself

And spill its contents

So I can see.

I have lost count

Of the number of sins it conceals

And beats into my blood.

A steady lump

Rising to the back of my throat,

And I am choking on fear.

On the smell of burnt flesh

Against a blazing fire

Whose fuel is

Men and stone.

I am choking on regret

And despair of a heart

that does not feel

until the pain

of melting skin

and scalding water

is all too real.

I am gagging on

Torments that never end

iron chains

and food

melting wombs

from the inside out.

I am choking

On every moment of neglect

And every second glance

That wasn’t mine to have.

I have never felt so far

From the beauty

Of a life

Held firm by Islam.

Tonight

I have felt my heart ache

and quake

Then break onto itself

And I have seen its contents.

Tonight

My heart is full of regret.

And hope.

I am kneeling for forgiveness.

And searching for the sweetness of a faith

That drips from eyes

Wet in awe at the wonders of creation,

And the softness of a heart

That trembles at the

Gentle melodies

In the words of God.

Farah Gabdon

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